I see you, self-identified people-pleaser, and know how hard you can be on yourself for this trait. You give and overextend and leave yourself until last, and then wonder why it’s so hard to change this pattern. But don’t be so quick to judge yourself for this. I know how you’re jumping to self-judgment.
I’m willing to bet you’re a helper, and your heart is full of compassion and a willingness to work hard to improve other people’s lives. You care deeply about the people around you and love seeing people happy and thriving. So I’m not saying carry on in this exhausting manner without self-reflection. But know that it comes from a good place, and be cautious with over pathologizing this part of yourself.
I know that being a people-pleaser has served you in the past, and I’m sorry you’ve felt the weight of people’s worries on your shoulders. This helped you through difficult times and helped your empathy grow even more in your beautiful heart. People have looked to you for help because they know you’ll be there for them.
I’m here to remind you that you have permission to witness people in their suffering and just be there for them. Continue to show your kindness and care deeply about the important people in your life. But it’s perfectly okay to say no to what overextends you. You’re the only one who can protect your energy and you owe it to yourself to be there for you.
Everyone has their own story and you can go from people-pleaser to recovering people-pleaser at any time. You have the drive and intention in you at this very moment to protect your energy and use a compassionate no to requests you can’t help with.
I’m here cheering you on as you create these boundaries and love yourself hard. It’s no less than the freedom you deserve.