A LETTER TO PEOPLE-PLEASERS

by Lauren Wallis • 16 Mar 2023

16 Mar 2023

2 min

Duration

I see you, self-identified people-pleaser, and know how hard you can be on yourself for this trait. You give and overextend and leave yourself until last, and then wonder why it’s so hard to change this pattern. But don’t be so quick to judge yourself for this. I know how you’re jumping to self-judgment.

I’m willing to bet you’re a helper, and your heart is full of compassion and a willingness to work hard to improve other people’s lives. You care deeply about the people around you and love seeing people happy and thriving. So I’m not saying carry on in this exhausting manner without self-reflection. But know that it comes from a good place, and be cautious with over pathologizing this part of yourself.

I know that being a people-pleaser has served you in the past, and I’m sorry you’ve felt the weight of people’s worries on your shoulders. This helped you through difficult times and helped your empathy grow even more in your beautiful heart. People have looked to you for help because they know you’ll be there for them.

I’m here to remind you that you have permission to witness people in their suffering and just be there for them. Continue to show your kindness and care deeply about the important people in your life. But it’s perfectly okay to say no to what overextends you. You’re the only one who can protect your energy and you owe it to yourself to be there for you.

Everyone has their own story and you can go from people-pleaser to recovering people-pleaser at any time. You have the drive and intention in you at this very moment to protect your energy and use a compassionate no to requests you can’t help with.

I’m here cheering you on as you create these boundaries and love yourself hard. It’s no less than the freedom you deserve.

peoplepleasingselfesteemjudgementloveempathyselfcareselfregulation

Offering services

from Lauren Wallis

(8) Article

16 Mar 2023

RESOURCES TO SUPPORT YOUR STRUGGLE WITH ECO-ANXIETY

Here are some amazing documentaries and books to help you: -learn more about specific environmental issues (knowledge is power)-learn about what experts are doing to tackle these issues-increase your connection to the earth-help you develop tools that can help you tackle eco-anxiety (specifically Active Hope and Radical Acceptance) DocumentariesCowspiracyA life on our planet (David ...

1 min to read

RESOURCES TO SUPPORT YOUR STRUGGLE WITH ECO-ANXIETY

16 Mar 2023

MINDFULNESS THROUGH R.A.I.N.

Written by: Rebecca KrawiecSitting with emotions can be difficult, especially if they are heavy or uncomfortable negative emotions. We can also find ourselves slipping into a habit of sitting in them too long or ruminating. It’s important to remember our emotions are a response to something. Sometimes they are helpful and other times unhelpful. When an emotion is not serving its purpose or ...

7 min to read

16 Mar 2023

LET'S TALK ABOUT ACCEPTANCE

In today’s society we are constantly fed language that glorifies our efforts to cancel out anything that interferes with our positivity. The truth is, everyone experiences stress and negative thoughts/ feelings at times, and the more we resist, ignore and push them away, the more often they push back harder demanding our attention. Avoidance is often used as a place of safety for many, a ...

2 min to read

16 Mar 2023

EMBRACING CHANGE

Change is one of those ambiguous human experiences that can bring up such a contrasting range of emotions within us. Change can be both beautiful or painful, exciting or scary, frustrating or empowering. This makes the concept of embracing change even more elusive and unusual. Why would we want to embrace something that causes us discomfort? It makes sense that our natural tendency sometimes is to ...

5 min to read

16 Mar 2023

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE, AND THAT MAKES US THE LUCKY ONES

I’ve thought about death for as long as I can remember. When I was 5 years old, I asked my Mom to confirm if I, in fact, am going to die someday. I found it difficult to fathom that I just wouldn’t exist. Sometime after that, I became interested in pre-teen books about kids with cancer. My family couldn’t quite understand why I would want to read novels about such a morbid topic. And I’m not sure ...

4 min to read

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE, AND THAT MAKES US THE LUCKY ONES

16 Mar 2023

FEEL THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS

We are complex beings. We each come to relationships with friends, family and loved ones with our own perspectives, past, and way of being. As a result, these relationships can sometimes be messy. They can be deep, loving and unexpectedly nourishing. But they can also be scary, painful, and result in lasting scars. This is a normal part of life, although a painful one as well.  Are you ...

3 min to read

4 Mar 2023

BUILDING RESILIENCE IN THE FACE OF UNCERTAINTY

Go back with me to seven months ago. It’s one hour before my job interview starts, and I’m sitting in a coffee shop, sipping green tea. Hoping it will magically soothe my nerves. I could explain to you in-depth the feelings I’m experiencing as I wait for my interview. I feel a sense of anxiety in the form of tension in my body, I’m somewhere along a sliding scale of nausea, and I have a sense of ...

7 min to read

BUILDING RESILIENCE IN THE FACE OF UNCERTAINTY

4 Mar 2023

"FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS"; AN ALTERNATIVE PERSPECTIVE

How often have you heard the suggestion ‘follow your dreams’? It’s a phrase that’s thrown out frequently, and with the best of intentions. If someone is using these words, they are likely encouraging others to make choices in life that are intentional and from the heart. The idea is that this will lead to increased overall satisfaction and happiness, and who doesn’t want that? The problem with ...

3 min to read

"FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS"; AN ALTERNATIVE PERSPECTIVE